I wish I could express
In speech as I do in writing
How much I feel about you,
How heavily I care,
How deeply you affect me,
And everything that means.
Mind to mind,
Or empathy to recognition,
In terms of verbal exchange
Is apt to be uncomfortable.
You can read my poems
And feel me more fully
Than you ever could’ve felt me
Might expose our true emotions,
But the mundanity of self-consciousness
Prevents a simple telling.
I can try,
And occasionally do well,
But I’ve little hope of equaling
The context of the written word.
I love you.
Resurrecting past emotions.
A litany of shit and shame
Deliberately targeted on the present moment.
Tangent upon tangent,
Trauma upon trauma,
Surfacing up to swallow
The security of my bondage.
Like the restless dead
Shrieking as their unearthed,
Naked in the light of day,
Tortured by the slightest sensation.
My life hurts.
All the painful memories replay.
This is My Hell.
This is everything I’ve tried to escape.
Wait for everything to bleed away.
Hold onto nothing,
Give it up,
Let it go.
I wish it would rain
Bittersweet tears from a crying sky
As midnight’s chill air envelops us
With cascading droplets of emotion
Expressing my emotions for me
Ominous thunder like an angry God
Bellowing passionately into the dark
And lightening for sudden illumination
Brilliant supernovas of distress
Etching my sentiments into the clouds
A microcosmic apocalypse just for me
A turbulent release to set me free
A tantrum, a meltdown, a melodramatic wailing
Goetia, an epic symphony of lament
Just to ease me
Settle my repressed distress
And cleanse these unrelenting thoughts
Express this damn chaos for me, please
I wish the sky would cry
Its tears lulling me to sleep