It Feels Time To Die

When time passes and slips by so fast,

When I contemplate all that I’ve missed or forsaken,

It pains me to acknowledge my own mistaken steps,

To realize my fault in those moments taken.

To have aged to such a point missing out,

To have lost so many loves I should’ve cherished,

To be floating, numbing myself to indifference,

To have drifted past chances and watched them perish.

Will wisdom prove the worth of my decisions?

Have I lost too much to ever fully recover?

Do empathy and arrogance measure so equally?

Will hiding myself lead anyone to discover?

Choices, to decide what to do, what to be, who I am.

To be, my identity, with vulnerability and shame.

To understand, hidden weaknesses will never leave you.

Emotions leave you empty and cold when restrained.

Too many lost chances, too many disappointments.

Too long living sheltered, pretending to be free.

It feels time to die and murder insecurity.

To live again, opening as wide as I can be.

 

The Pinnacle

You’re the greatest high I reach for,

One that I could never grasp.

You’re the ideal I hold highest,

I fall short of, I collapse.

Something I should never have,

I should never be trusted with.

Like I shouldn’t look too hard,

But I’m too restless to resist.

Only one way holds respite,

Pain is sure with or without.

Damn me if I reach too high,

Or love me and reach out.

You scare me so completely,

The things I know you do.

Tie my stomach into knots,

And petty lust ensues.

It hurts my heart to think of,

My nerves will jolt and twitch.

I’m not your precious moment,

And it makes my stiches itch.

I drew you as the pinnacle,

I let you get too deep.

Wanting what I cannot have,

I’ll lose myself in sleep.