Sometimes I feel better when I imagine my own conscious thought is all that exists.
The feeling of being a disembodied psyche in friction-less space,
Emptied of all but the most critical pieces of my identity
And reassembling my complexities into a more beautiful shape.
As many times as I’ve done this,
There are thoughts and patterns that persist through me,
Some I’ve cherished, others I’ve hated,
And some I couldn’t understand or even properly explain.
There are pieces that never seem to come unstuck,
Fears, attachments, and my deepest memories.
There are images and vague connections I retain,
Like pen-strokes which remain even after they’re scribbled over.
A vague, off-beat rhythm seems to drive my actions,
Unfocused or out of sync with the environment I’m in,
Curiosity, obsession, and paranoia distort my tempo,
Playing my own tune, in spite of what drums beat around me.
I’m liable to fall carelessly into the beautiful or intriguing.
My heart snaps alert, when a note, by happenstance, complements my own.
There are ideas, perceptions, and sequences of thought
That feel more like hell and like home than any real place.
Whatever I do or imagine myself to be,
There are elements of myself that remain true.
Burdens I carry, gifts likewise treasured,
And I expect they’ll remain until my mind is permanently changed.
Tag: ghosts
My Little Ghosts
Ghosts, vivid as any indelible memory,
Opaque characters complex as any pain.
Whispering phantoms of fancy and debate,
Debased to be displayed within me.
Fragments of former friends and foes
Haunting the pensive moments of my mind.
Frequently visiting my somber silences
To stimulate my passive passions.
Enticing my impulses to aggravation,
My bitter hates and petty joys,
And long past my solemn recompense
They goad me into fits of familiar disillusion.
The remembered and imagined coalesce
Into perfect torments for my indolence,
So whatever quiet moments I acquire
Inevitably fill with vexatious rants.
Leave me be, but never go too far,
As long as I need to fill these voids.
As much as I move on, you’re still my ghosts
And I need your stimulation to survive.
Maybe once I’ve passed along
From one sad form into the next,
I’ll fill the quiet with better voices
And forms that leave me better vexed.