To Never Be Preyed Upon

To never be preyed upon

I learned

Either hunt or be hunted.

Be the breaker or the broken.

Swallow your sentimentallity

Or suffer.

Locked away in vaults

Of cold cruel steel,

Behind bitter dispassionate bars

Biting empathetic hands

I live

Looking out

At everything that’s kept away.

To never be preyed upon

Is to sever all your heartstrings

As each one tugs your veins,

Pushing them away

Before they draw you out,

Exposed, vulnerable,

Easy prey.

And every broken heartstring bleeds

In the buried vaults unseen,

Untouched by any hand

The writhing wounded psyche

I identify as me.

To never be preyed upon

Is to never be free,

Looking out to see pleasures

I wish I could’ve been

Open and tender

In such a way as to be

The delicate flower

I’ve sheltered to keep

From being preyed upon.

I weep

Behind locked steel doors

Ashamed of myself,

Afraid for myself,

In solitudes keeping

Too weak to be anything but

Never preyed upon.

 

 

 

Wake Me Up

Musings

Half remembered, half wandering day dreams

Hours at a time suspended

Consciously awakening as I’m nearly asleep

 

A small flame burns

A brilliant candle in a chaotic void

Somehow still clinging to life

After all these years of neglect

 

Sensations dim, emotions encroach

Repressed dimensions of personality re-surface

Alive at last, gasping on that first breathe

Frightened, ashamed, too much too fast

 

A wandering mind asleep

Dreaming of lives it wished it lived

In worlds where every chance was fair

And supreme comfort was attainable

 

Lift me up

Cradle me gently in arms of flowers

Safe from threat of injury and distress

Convince me that it isn’t just a dream