You must behave.
Those emotions screaming to be gratified
Must be tamed,
And so you learn to self-control.
Fear outweighing your need for expression.
In accordance with the principles of shame.
A pavlovian animal
Afraid to eat before it hears a bell.
You atrophy your capacity to love.
Trying to be yourself
Triggers your own self-loathing and disgust.
Connection is impossible,
So you’ll suffer to remain in isolation.
Once you know,
Once you recognize how detached you’ve become,
Your walls become flesh
And they won’t fall away without your blood.
Slowly, like unraveling a tender wound,
The glue and gauze
Still clinging tightly to your flesh.
It groans and aches under pressure,
And you’ll shake
Knowing how frail you genuinely are.
You brace for the inevitable plunge.
Choosing vulnerability over control.