A Lonely Reward, Cold Satisfaction

Listens to Lo-Fi on her phone,

Admiring the nighttime lights of the city

Through streets blanketed with snow

Where unknown treasures are buried.

Cigarette to her lips

Alongside that sensation around her face,

The teeth of wind,

Is all the satisfaction she can take.

To have hung on,

Lived to see another illuminated night,

Stress momentarily forgotten

Despite the punishing nature of her drive

Is worth rewarding.

She needs something, after all.

Time ever-encroaching

Demands a moment that’s enjoyable.

Dawn spawns the first shadows

As she reluctantly remembers herself,

Retires behind her bedroom windows,

And waits until she can escape again.

 

 

 

Eyes After Everything Ends

The houses rotted,

The roads cracked and slowly eroded,

Power lines toppled,

And trees retook the place of grass.

Lives had finished,

Completed, but never replaced,

Leaving everything behind

For the mildew and quiet to claim.

Everyone had gone,

And they left a fragmented remembrance,

The ruins of excess

And poverty adapted into shadow palaces.

 

When everyone goes

I only hope there will be ghosts,

So someone could see

The beautiful remains of our failures.

 

The arguments died,

All sides are eventually silenced.

Grief lost her way

Without any survivors to guide her.

Indecisions without resolve,

Like half-empty beds and unfinished poems

Revert back to objects

Removed from anxiety and desire.

Landscapes of thought

Retaining echos without sound.

 

When everything falls

I hope to see what happens then.

To see how unknowable

Our intentions and dreams become.

 

 

 

 

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Dreaming Splendor

I can’t afford bed sheets or makeup.

Beautified dreams, somehow, still come easily.

Even in poverty, the luxury of abstraction

Soothes me daily, in depression or inspiration.

Streetlights on snowy nights

Hold more potential than money or connections.

Shadows in the urban landscape,

More real than set ideals or purchased thrills.

Somewhere is an inevitability

Waiting to be dreamed into vibrant shapes.

Magenta rain against black skies,

Sleeping bodies forgetting their encroaching doom.

I can’t afford bed sheets or makeup,

But in my mind, I repose against splendid fashionings.

The faintest glimmer of peace and satisfaction

Awakes, and gives me space to keep imagining.

Soul Shaper

If I could manipulate my own soul

I would become so many other things;

A character in my favorite books,

A God of my imagined mythos,

An active observer of human history,

An Angel of guidance and/or death,

A spirit floating through endless space,

A designer of perpetual dramas,

A stranger in the realm of dreams,

A composer of symphonies of light,

A voyager through heaven and hell,

A state of being beyond space and time,

An immortal Goddess ruling empires,

And a mortal shell that made peace with death.

If I could manipulate the reality of my existence,

Would the meaning of anything really change?

 

 

Life Like Words

Maybe the world is a game.

If it is, then death is just the goalpost.

The timer. The only real rule.

If it is, then dying is our final score.

Working may be desperate.

Wealth or happiness may make a difference.

We all subsist strategically,

Gaining or lacking in different amounts.

Totality pressures us

To decide which pursuits prove worthy

Of conscious individuality

While it’s ours to compare and contrast.

It’s just a poem.

Writing, but we know it’s a burden.

Words are ours to choose

Until space confines us to a stop.

 

Snippet Of A Conversation

“Confront the facts!

You’ve hated yourself,

You’ve lived a lie!

You’re not what you present!”

 

“Shut up.

All persona is presentation,

It’s all a lie anyway

So what does it matter?”

 

“Represent someone else

And hide from what you really feel.

Is this what you really want,

Miss Freedom of Expression?”

 

“I’ll express what I choose.

My secrets are my own,

And does anyone really care

What I feel inside?”

 

“What does it matter

If anyone gives a damn?

What satisfactions comes

From dishonest expression?”

 

I Found Myself Buried

I was naked, around twilight,

Covered in dirt and leaves

Having been buried alive,

By life buried.

A crawling mass of moist earth

Composed of dismembered deaths,

Colonies of feeding decomposers,

And my own fragile ego.

I must have sunk

From grace down to dirt

And been planted face-down,

Neglected and self-misused.

I suppose I slept

Because I dreamed vividly

In colors more vibrant and varying

Than I ever felt before.

I’d visited myself,

Seen the spectrum of my being

Like so many blends of fantasy and memory

Shifting perpetually within.

Only after waking

I recognize the implication

Of finding myself alive,

Head-first buried in a hole.